Legs

IMG_3807a
Originally uploaded by hobokenvie

These are Sam's legs. We did a photoshoot in her apartment and it was crazy. Neither of us knew too much about what we were doing and after 2 hours we were both sweaty and hungry, but after nearly 500 shots, I managed find about 5 or so that I liked.

Bella

Bella
Originally uploaded by hobokenvie

This is Bella - an adorable maltese puppy that my roommate brought home one day. I'm not sure how I managed to capture this photo as she doesn't stop moving at all, but I did. She weighs about 3lbs here and is about 3mos old. Tiny little thing.

CaperPlips

CaperPlips
Originally uploaded by hobokenvie

Built a Lightbox too! Took a bunch of photos of silly things laying around yesterday. These aren't the best, but its gotten my creative juices flowing. I know I need more light, top lighting, change up the background, etc. So much fun.

Collective Hardware

NYC 2009 Collective Hardware
Originally uploaded by hobokenvie

This photo is getting tons of hits on my Flickr page. Not sure why, but it is now a top result for google search terms "Collective Hardware".

Kitty gets ready to party

Kitty gets ready to party
Originally uploaded by hobokenvie

Trying to keep myself busy. STILL unemployed...

Love

Love
Originally uploaded by hobokenvie

I have much love for New York City. Apparently it loves me back.

Christmas

Week one of unemployment went somewhat well. It didn't feel too much like any other vacation from work since practically everyone else was off for the holidays and will be next week as well. Christmas was nice and low-key. Pictured below is the roast lamb we ate for dinner. Not very pretty with the blood dripping all around, but it was delicious! Brian dressed and roasted it and made a lovely jus with the bones. I also made a cheescake that cracked like the Grand Canyon down the center (as usual) so I didn't take any photos. Everyone did say it was delicious and had seconds, so I take that as the best compliment.

Everything seems to be falling frighteningly fast in place for going to California. I now have places to stay for free, people who will show me around, free storage of my stuff until I find a job and living arrangements. Not one person has responded less than enthusiastically about the whole idea.

I'm very excited. In the bigger picture sense, this is right and will get me closer to some of my long term goals. Let me repeat, I am happy this is happening.

That being said, I've been overwhelmed with feelings of fear and grief about not working and not having that one sure thing. I know that sounds ludicrous. Intellectually, I know its no big deal, really I do. No one has died and no one I know is going to let me become homeless. My subconcious is on another planet however. I think my job has been the only presence in my life that really didn't change since I've moved to NY. When I stop moving (I seem to have "distraction from reality" as my innate superpower) I feel that sensation of free-falling. Sort of flailing about with life whooshing past my face and I have no idea where the floor is or when I might land. I'm having a tough time getting comfortable with this feeling.

Earlier in the week, when I said the definitive phrase outloud to someone "I'm moving to San Francisco", I suddenly couldn't catch my breath and my chest felt like I was 10 feet underwater. I think I almost passed out. No one noticed thankfully, but I think that it was some sort of a panic attack. I'm no doctor and the extent of my knowledge on panic attacks is from the Sopranos, so I could be wildly wrong.

I am always excited by a new adventure and the opportunity for new stories to unfold. I seem to be harping on the negative lately, but there are a lot of positive aspects.

I get to spend this week still somewhat in vacation mode with New Year's fast approaching and most of my friends and family are off this week again. Next week might be a bit of a test for me since I'll need the organization and the motivation to get the ball rolling in preparation. Wish me luck! or Wish me motivation!